This is almost two years now. There was/is this guy. I mean I liked him even before I saw him. His profile was and still is amazing. So I thought, “this guy sounds cool, I can’t wait to see him”. And when I did see him and hear him talk, I knew I had to meet with him. It sounded like we had a good deal in common. Believe me, all that was on my mind bothered on the intellectual and sharing ideas. Nothing more!!!
But as we get talking, he starts dropping hints that were more than intellectual. They required a sixth sense. And mine kicked in.
Then, I start wondering. See, this was a time of my life that I had a bad case of the ‘hyper inadequacy syndrome’, you know, the “you sure you good enough thing”.
The thing is, when I get excited about meeting someone I admire, there arises a clog in my head and all what I had initially planned to say or ask just fizzles no matter how frantically I try to grab on to them. It gets worse when it’s a guy. And when he is amazingly smart and totally good looking. And he starts talking like he wants to know more than what my skills are.
So after a few minutes with him, I had virtually nothing in my head. That was when I started thinking that it would be futile to even show the slightest understanding of what he was trying to do. At this point, confident naivety takes over. Better to shut him out now before he gets close and realizes that there is little to realize.
Till date, I wonder what goes through a guy’s mind when a girl does that.
To me, there was no point of letting on, what if I bored him in a conversation?
This crossed my mind this evening and got me wondering. Why does that happen to me even when I know that it is always best to just be yourself in any situation? And why on earth would one strive to be good enough for someone you just met? What is good enough anyway?
Maybe I had too much respect for the ideal that I imagined him to be and not the person I could get to know. Maybe I jumped to conclusion too soon instead of just meeting and learning about a new friend.
Just be yourself in whatever situation. Don’t assume. Don’t pretend. Don’t presume. You don’t have to be good enough or perfect. Just be good. If you are liked, awesome. If you are not, then the person, timing or situation just wasn’t right and that is that.
God has called you good, wonderfully and fearfully made. So, why sell yourself short and miss out on great guys, ehn????
Anyway, I liked the guy. Still do somehow. Some time back, I replayed the few conversations we had in my head and tried to reconstruct them. I realized that I tried to talk the language that he talked. But how much did I know about his work anyway? I should have just listened to him and processed his talk based on
my own experiences and opinion.
Hmmm! That’s how all the conversation I have with the young gentleman these days barely goes beyond a cursory hello and comments on Facebook.
But life goes on my people. Lesson learned. There are awesome days ahead.
And having re-read this piece and decided that there is no clue as to who the person is, I shall hit the post button.