Do you ever stop in the middle of praying for God’s will to happen, when somewhere at the back of your mind, you fear that God’s will may be completely far off from what you want or ever imagine that you will want?
I remember two years ago while praying and hoping for a transfer to the department I really wanted to work out of. I sent mails. I called. The initial response wasn’t encouraging. Then by happenstance a few months later, a friend and boss, I had mentioned it to some months before put in a good word for me without my knowledge. And the long ‘battle’ to move began. I almost gave up on it. But that was when I actually started praying for God’s will to be done.
Before that, I knew what I wanted and I was doing the little I could to ‘help’ it happen while praying to God to make it possible. But then, I started to think deeply about it. Maybe God wanted me to stay here, in a place I wasn’t happy with or finding fulfillment. Maybe He wanted to teach me a lesson in perseverance. Maybe He wanted me to learn that excellence is not a question of my feelings or desires; but simply doing the best in all that I do and in obedience to Him. Maybe I’ll do badly when I get there. Maybe there’s an accident I might get into. Maybe I’ll meet someone that I should never have. You know those kind of thoughts.
Around that period, I decided to take my leave and make some new plans. If God wanted me to stay here, then there must be ways to make it work better. There must be some purpose to it for the next phase that may not be in what I thought I needed. A few months earlier, I had started using bulk emails to reach a larger number of customers – not just with messages about products but some just to inspire. The feedback was few but good. But I was inconsistent. So the leave was the time to plan out a strategy.
It was also around that period that tiny drops of feelings for some man wanted to brew while bigger feelings for another one just kept building waves. And they were both in the same geographical location as the new job I wanted. I had to wonder about my motives in that regard as well.
Maybe God was keeping me away from things I imagine would make me happy but wouldn’t.
In all honesty, all this determination and the plenty justifications something was just in the head and to make myself look less moody. I badly wanted to go. Now, I was saying, if it is your will for me to go, then make it happen and help me to do right when I get there. And if it isn’t, somehow, I got myself to that position of saying, ‘Whatever you choose, I’ll live with it’. But that is not even right.
He says the plans that He has for us are for good, to take us to an expected end. And while it is true that through the journey, we may encounter unpleasant moments, it is not right to believe that what God wills for us is in complete variance of what we think will make us happy.
Let me use this stinker thought a friend and I were laughing about as an example ‘I love dark guys. I know God will bring one fair dude like that for me. I will sha be happy. Shebi it’s God’s will?’
But it isn’t like that. God doesn’t have plans for us to manage what He blesses us with. He wants us to enjoy the phases of our lives. He wants to give us the best always as we submit to Him. And as He gives us one best after another, He wants us to enjoy them in Him.
God does want you to be happy. Like for real.
He said He will fulfill the desires of our heart. And the reason He made this solemn promise is simple –
for it is God which works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
In the end, it isn’t a question of whether God will do what we desire or give us what we want; it comes down to giving Him our minds to work with and to work in.
I didn’t resume in my old office after my leave. I got a surprise congratulatory call from a colleague on my move and I was just dazed.
‘Oh yeah. So you do want me to move eh’ (Big Wink to you Big Poppa). And the way it happened! Amazing!
What I learnt is this, instead of being okay and accepting what you don’t like because what you are asking for isn’t coming or because you question your motives, simply take it to God in prayers and relax. He might actually have plans to give you that very thing, just not in the way you imagine. (Allow me some seconds! I just had a ‘slight’ heart tug about something I was already giving up on. Hal-Le-Lu-Jah!)
Telling Him that you will do whatever, even before He says it, gives Him room to surprise you in ways you cannot imagine. Not the simplest thing, but once done… peace. I feel another mega defining moment in my life coming up. And I am excitedly (somewhat scary) awaiting what moves God wants me to make. Philippians 4:13! Let’s go there.